Sometimes, I am privy to discussions that my children have when they are talking with one another. Their clearsightedness floors me sometimes ... for example:

16yog: Boy, when I think about how much I liked X, I realize that I was out of my mind! What was I thinking?!?

10yog: YoYou were chasing a piece of tail (Mom: !!?!!), without looking at what it was attached to.

16yog: A dog?

10yog: Precisely! (Both start laughing)

At this point, I just about have to scrape myself off of the floor, between being in shock at the correctness of the 10yo's diagnosis, as well as the way she phrased her statement... that one's an old soul... and trying not to wet my pants laughing (they drummed me out of the Mothers' Union *ages* ago because I laugh out loud when the children do something funny)!!

I am *so* glad that I am privileged to see how their minds work. They actually talk to me without coercion (at least, that's what I hear other parents complain about ... I've not had that problem, myself); and I know that they look out for one another, even though they don't always agree. I believe that if this keeps up, they will be fine when I am gone... they will look out for one another. Which, I think, is the truest definition of 'family'.

... if you are a man. Yes, this is satire (just barely)!

Here we go...

1.) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to do what you’re doing before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in “fine”.

4.) Go ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It! The best way to defuse this situtation is to say: “On second thought’s you’re right. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

5.) Loud sigh: This is actually a word, but it is often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of “nothing”.)

6.) That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say “you’re welcome”.

8.) Whatever: Is a women’s way of saying “you’re dead”.

9.) Don’t worry about it, I’ve got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking `What’s wrong?’ For the women’s response refer to #3.