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Happy....

in
Greetings!
Well, the year is winding down, and I'm so ready for this year to be over, I was signing my Christmas cards '2009', LOL!! (Yes, I fixed it :->)
All in all, it wasn't a bad year... most of the chickens are still alive, the dogs are still barking, and while we have lost a few cats, we have enough left to keep the rodent population far from the house.
I hope that you are enjoying the season, whatever you celebrate!! 


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As usual, I'm ahead of the curve... bwahaha!

in
On The Daily Dish,  Patrick Appel says that Massie predicts that chicken blogging will be *the* sensation of 2009!

                                                                 Photo by: Darin Barry

:looking for 'Green Acres' theme song on iTunes:

All right!!!

I'm just ahead of the curve :-)

:cluck cluck:

3

Hey! What took you so long in there?!?

in
An answer to the question ... (received in my email)

           When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.

                                                                 Photo By: doortoriver

Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.

           You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy,  but empty.

You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it a round your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR! ), yank down your pants, and assume ' The Stance.'

           In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold 'The Stance.'

           To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser.

                                                                       Photo By: [177]

In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, 'Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have  KNOWN there was no toilet  paper!' Your thighs shake more.

           You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail.

           Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. 'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose  your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT .. It is wet of course.

You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.

You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, 'You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get.'

           By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.

           At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.

           You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.

           You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, 'Here, you just might need this.'

           As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?'

           This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long.

It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door!

           This HAD to be written by a woman! No one else could describe it so accurately!

2

So, have you recuperated from Black Friday?

in
Greetings!

                                                       Photo By: theotherway

I surely hope that no one that you know was injured in the craziness, and that you got everything that you needed (and wanted).

So, are you 'good to go' for the bulk of your Christmas gifts? Or, has the fun just begun?

On our side, we are done, at least until the New Year. We have two birthdays in December, so Decembers are always festive at our house.

The chickens are doing well; the children have learned that Sam has a job to do, and when they keep him in the house overnight, he can't do it (we lost a chicken to a predator that night - a fox, I believe).

If you want to see wildlife in an area, all you have to do is put out some food... hawks have begun to take notice of my little corner of the world... I suspect that it is due to the chicken population. Time to build a chicken tractor!

I feel like it is time to purchase a pair of overalls, and the theme song to 'Green Acres' (MP3 format, of course... we are *progressive* country folk)!!

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Now, THIS is a Camera!!

in
Are you a camera geek?  Do you have an übercool digital camera?
                 Photo by tarunactivity

How many megapixels does it have? 5? 8? 10? [!!]

Well, over at MIT's Lincoln Laboratory , they have built the ultimate camera (at least for now): 1.4 GIGApixels, for The University of Hawaii's Institute for Astronomy Pan-Starrs Program.

                                       Photo by Brett Simison, PansStarrs PS1 Image Gallery

What on earth would you need that many pixels for?

Well, actually, nothing on earth. You need it for watching the solar system and beyond.

The University of Hawaii's Institute for Astronomy Pan-Starrs Program states on their site that their cameras (all 4 of them) will be used for scanning the skies for anything that may pose a danger to our planet , meaning asteroids and comets .

                                                              Photo by goldenrectangle

The images from this camera will also be used for other scientific programs.

Technology Review has more technical details, for those who want them.

Hat tip to Daily Galaxy !!

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Really Good Cranberry Salad!!

in
This was served to me on Thanksgiving Day, and it is delightful!!

                                                     Photo from Taste of Home website


Cranberry Gelatin Salad

Enjoy!

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Before You Eat Your Next 'Murder Burger'...

in
Research on mice links fast food to Alzheimer's
LONDON (Reuters) - Mice fed junk food for nine months showed signs of developing the abnormal brain tangles strongly associated with Alzheimer's disease, a Swedish researcher said on Friday.

Something to think about...

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Truly A Black Friday...

in
WOW!

Worker dies at Long Island Wal-Mart after being trampled in Black Friday stampede 


He who dies with the most toys, still dies.

Let's be careful out there!

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Personal DNA Mapping: Do You Really Want To Know?

in
What does your DNA say about your current and future health?

                                                                Photo By: MASH DnArt

Do we really want to know?

Isn't there enough discrimination around over things that you can see?

Do we really need discrimination over things that *may* or *may not* happen?

I really think that some people just don't have enough to do...

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Gift Cards Make You An Unsecured Creditor

in
Don't say that I didn't warn you... 


                                                   Photo By: buba69 


The Gift Card Comes Wrapped in Growing Risk

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Viva la Revolution!

in
Jesus Diaz is sounding the call for revolution against Beta culture. 


The choir sings "Amen!"


http://tinyurl.com/nobeta 

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Orderly voting today...

in
I went and voted first thing this morning, and the polling place was packed... double lines 12 people deep coming out of the building. I have lived in this town for 8 years, and voted in every election since I moved here, and I've never seen such crowds. In fact, when you see that many people in public, it's a safe bet that it is the annual Christmas parade!

It was fabulous. People (of all political persuasions) were laughing and pleasant, and the polls workers were experienced, knowledgeable and efficient. In and out in about 30 minutes, and the electronic machines worked fine (I overheard no complaints; but we've had the electronic machines for a few years now, so everyone is pretty familiar with them).

And so, I got the sticker:

From LaVeda

and I took a pic of my ballot:

From LaVeda

And now I get to sit back, and see what's going to happen...

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Protecting Your Privacy Against Robo-Calls and the Like...

in
Yes, I know that it is less than two days before the election, but it is never too early to begin thinking about the next one...

Not to mention, those lovely phone calls from those wonderful people who have very important information about your credit card debt, or your car warranty, etc.

So, here are some links to get you on your way to stopping the harassment:

National Do Not Call List

The National Do Not Call Registry is open for business, putting consumers in charge of the telemarketing calls they get at home. The Federal government created the national registry to make it easier and more efficient for you to stop getting telemarketing calls you don’t want. You can register online at WWW.DONOTCALL.GOV or call toll-free, 1-888-382-1222 (TTY 1-866-290-4236), from the number you wish to register. Registration is free.
The Federal Trade Commission, the Federal Communications Commission, and the states are enforcing the National Do Not Call Registry. Placing your number on the registry will stop most, but not all, telemarketing calls.
State Do Not Call Lists

Since the launch of the federal Do Not Call List in 2003 (http://www.ftc.gov/donotcall), some states have discontinued individual do-not-call programs, merging their information with the federal list. Other states continue to maintain separate do-not-call lists, whose registrants may or may not be shared with the federal list.

The links provide information about do-not-call laws and list programs in each state.
National Political Do Not Call Registry
The National Political Do Not Contact Registry is modeled on the incredible success of the Federal Do Not Call Registry.   Unfortunately for American voters, political calls are excluded from the Federal DNC Registry.  That means politicians can call you whenever and however they feel like it, even cell phone numbers!

Who we are:  The National Political Do Not Contact Registry is a program of Citizens for Civil Discourse (CCD), a non-partisan and non-profit group of ordinary citizens dedicated to raising the level of political discourse in the United States.   CCD believes Americans are tired of partisan posturing and a phony division between red states and blue states.  We are fed up with negative campaigning and Washington grid lock.

We believe that this country wants leaders who will rise above party labels and tackle the difficult problems facing our nation and the world.   And as a start, Americans are stepping forward to take back control of our public discussion from the political spin masters.

That's why we have created the National Political Do Not Contact Registry as a way for all US voters to send the political campaigns a message:  Stop unwanted Political Phone Calls and dinner time interruptions!  You can register your contact information today for FREE and tell the politicians loud and clear that you have had enough of their business-as-usual campaigning!

Register now for Free -- let your representatives know that you won't vote for them if they won't listen to you.

The Top 11 Ways To Stop Politicians And Others From Contacting You At Home



With the election season now hitting us like a Hurricane, particularly in battle ground states, The National Political Do Not Contact Registry presents the top 11 ways to stop politicians, vendors candidates, unions, PACs, 527's, and local, state, and national party groups from contacting you at home either by phone or via the Internet.
The bottom line?  With days to go until election day there is little that you can do nowto stop John McCain, Sarah Palin, Barack Obama, George Bush, Bill Clinton, Megan Fox, Jack Nicholson, Jay Z or some other celebrity from calling you at home.   
However, there are some things you can do now that will help as well as preparing for the next election cycle as well as stopping commercial marketers from invading your privacy.

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Tracking the Vote...

in
If you want to track voting real-time in your area, you can take the below code, modified to your state and put it on your site:

[iframe src="http://votereport.us/reports/map?state=OH" frameborder="0" class="stream" width="535" height="500" scrolling="yes" >[/iframe]

Replace '[' and ']' with '<' and '>' on your page; and replace 'OH' with your state.

Get out and vote. You can't complain if you don't vote!  :-)

Then, sit back, break out the popcorn, and fasten your seatbelts. It's gonna be a wild ride!

Thanks to Twitter Vote Report for the code!

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No Matter Who Your Guy Is...

in
If you want him to win, you gotta





Check it out and pass it around ... Voting Tips 


0

Help! There's a chicken in my shower!

in
I swear, you can't make this stuff up...

I'm talking with my eldest (at midnight), sitting on my bed, and I hear this funny noise coming from my bathroom...

I'm thinking, ehh... it's probably something knocking on the crawlspace door (which is closed and locked), so I'm cool.

Until...

My eldest says, it's probably a chicken.

Say... WHAT?

Is there something you want to tell me?!?

No... says my eldest.

At that very moment, we BOTH hear a scrabbling noise coming from behind the bathroom door (which is, thankfully, closed)

I'm like, didn't we finish with the chickens in the shower thing when we got the OUTDOOR CAGE for them?!? When they were CHICKS?!?

I look at my eldest, and I tell her to check it out. She tells me that I'm the adult. I remind her that SHE is an adult now as well, and this is her first adult assignment. (It's called 'pulling rank', lol!)

She enters the darkened bathroom, opens the shower door, and there, blinking in the sudden light, is ... a... CHICKEN.

Who was pretty pissed about being awakened, let me tell you.

So, we put her back until morning (she was recently wounded, and I THOUGHT that she was being treated OUTSIDE, but I guess that I was wrong), and closed the shower door.

Maybe I should start sleeping in the shower. Everything that lives at my house seems to like it in there.

:sigh:

I think that I'll ask for a case (or two) of Clorox for Christmas. I'm running out...

(I have no idea why I can't sleep at night...)

0

It Wasn't A Perfect Day...

in
but it's over now.

Yesterday was my eldest daughter's eighteenth birthday (!), and I had decided to take her to DMV to get her non-driver's ID. And then do our 'lunch with Mom' thing that we do for birthdays.

So, as we are leaving DMV, I get in the van, turn the key, and ...

Nothing.

The engine is silent.

Oh. NO.

Don't panic. It's a relatively (2006) new vehicle, so it's probably something simple. Try again.

Same result.

Nothing. AND I can't get the key out (!!)

Oookay, I think... Call the dealer; he'll know what to do.

After some troubleshooting, it's decided that the van needs to be towed in.

I call AAA, and they'll be out to get us in about an hour (so much for lunch).

So, I sit.

I had put a call in to my neighbor, thinking that perhaps we could get a ride home, instead of riding with the tow truck driver. But he was out of communications range at the time, so I hung up without leaving a message.

About 20 minutes later, he calls me back and asks what's up. I explain the situation, feeling pretty certain that it is under control, as he runs me through the same basic troubleshooting that the dealer did.

Now at this point, I'm sitting in the shotgun seat, with the doors open, talking on the phone.

He asks me, 'Is the van in gear? Because if it is in anything other than Park or Neutral, it won't start.'

Knowing that it was not in gear, I look over at the dash to dutifully double-check, and from where I'm sitting, it looks like it's in REVERSE.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The next thing that the poor man hears is me shouting at my daughter to get OUT of that seat!

Bless her heart, she hopped out of the seat, and out of the VAN in less time than it takes to tell about it, thinking that the car was going to catch on fire!

I dash around the van like a madwoman, climb in the driver's seat, and sure enough, it IS in reverse... I put it in park, turn the key in the ignition, and the car started right up, like nothing had ever happened.

I told my neighbor I loved him. Laughing, he said, 'So, I'm the man?'

I replied, 'You're TWO men!!!'

After I got off the phone with him, and cancelled the AAA service call, I left a message for the guy at the dealership to let him know that I wouldn't be coming in, and why (which made the guy taking the message crack up)... I'll have to re-read my auto manual again, eh? ROFLOL!!

So, my eldest and I got to go to lunch after all, and she now has a funny story to tell about a mistake her mother made :sigh: ...

But, I'll admit that I'm pleased as punch that I did NOT need repair work :-)!

So, how was YOUR day?

0

For You Weather Geeks...

in
Here's a site to help you keep track of future storms ...

http://www.stormpulse.com/

0

Do You Think You're Having a Bad Day?

in
Even the big, powerful guys can have trouble with the ladies...


And, don't you forget it!

0

Singin' In The Rain...

in
WE GOT RAIN!! WOOHOO!!

Lots and lots of it. Maybe 2-3 inches...

:dances around in rain:

*Ahem*

:looks around, then goes into house to dry off:
:returns to dignified posture:

That's all I wanted to say ...

Ok, nothing to see here - back to your regularly scheduled programming :-)

:grin:

0

You Couldn't Pay Me To...

in
be a weatherman in this neck of the woods.

For over a month, we have seen reports of rain.

Light rain, promises of heavy rain, and thunderstorm warnings, but no real rain to speak of.

It has rained to the North of me, to the South of me, to the East of me, to the West of me.

But, alas and alack! No rain for me.

I visit people who live less than 10 minutes away, and *they* have puddles in their yard!

"We're being flooded out," says they.

All I can think is "You've got my rain, you varmints!!" (Is their a Wild West-type punishment for rain stealers, lol?)

0

It's Somebody's Birthday...

in
Yep, it's my absolute favorite geek, Wil Wheaton's birthday!!

Happy Birthday, Wil!

(He looks totally, radically cool in this photo... the beard's a nice touch!)

Equally cool, photoshopped version of the photo:


0

PSA: Check your ISP's DNS!

in
This is geekier than usual, folks, but bear with me. It's important. Check out the links.

Apple Fails to Patch Critical DNS Flaw

Details (Otherwise known as "Why does this matter to ME?"):
Dan Kaminski's Site (This site also has a way for you to check your ISP's vulnerability)
GCN - Government Computer News
Attack code published for DNS Flaw
Vulnerable To A DNS Cache Poisoning at Home?
Web Experts Scrambling To Patch Security Flaw


Overview:
Recently, a significant threat to DNS, the system that translates names you can remember (such as www.doxpara.com) to numbers the Internet can route (66.240.226.139) was discovered, that would **allow malicious people to impersonate almost any website on the Internet**. Software companies across the industry have quietly collaborated to simultaneously release fixes for all affected name servers. To find out if the DNS server you use is vulnerable, go to http://www.doxpara.com/ , and click on 'Check my DNS'.

If your ISP is vulnerable, what to do?

You as an individual, can use OpenDNS (https://www.opendns.com/) to change your DNS server (instructions at: https://www.opendns.com/start ) on your computing devices (computer, router, phone). Then check your status again at: http://www.doxpara.com/ (Check my DNS button).

More info about OpenDNS (and the cost [FREE]) at: http://www.opendns.com/features/overview/

Googling 'recursive name server vulnerability'

It may sound like an Apple problem, because they haven't issued a patch for their server products, but it affects us all because while other manufacturers *have* issued patches, it is up to the individual ISP's, DNS servers, etc. to *install* said patch. And according to my rudimentary searches, at least 50% of recursive name servers are unpatched.

When I'm able to, I'll update this post with live links (I couldn't get my WYSIWYG editor to work, and this is too important to wait on) Done.

"Let's be careful out there!"

0

Always Get All The Facts...

in

'Peek-A-Boo' by Me

THE NEW BOSS

If you've ever worked for a boss that reacts before getting the facts and thinking things
through, you will love this!

A large company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was
determined to rid the company of all slackers.


On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall. The room was full of
workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.

He walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked,
'How much money do you make a week?'

A little surprised, the young man looked at him and replied, 'I make $400 a week. Why?'

The CEO then handed the guy $1,600 in cash and screamed, 'Here's four weeks' pay, now
GET OUT and don't come back.'


Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, 'Does anyone
want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?'


From across the room came a voice, 'Pizza delivery guy from Domino's.'

1

Aren't puppies sweet?

in


Her name?
Kira Nerys
:-)

2

Fun for Linguiphiles, and The Rest of Us

in
A friend sent me this in my email, and I couldn't find a link to it (anyone who's got a link, I'd appreciate a shout-out); I plan on peppering my speech and writing with some of these, they're pretty clever!
Here's the email:


The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are this year's winners. Read them carefully. Each is an artificial
word with only one letter altered to form a real word. Some are terrifically innovative:

1. Intaxication : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until
you realize it was your money to start with.


2. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows
little sign of breaking down in the near future.

4. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

5. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

6. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
person who doesn't get it.


7. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

8. Hipatitis : Terminal coolness.

9. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

10. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's,
like, a serious bummer.

11. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.


12. Glibido: All talk and no action.

13. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when
they come at you rapidly.


14. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
you've accidentally walked through a spider web.


15. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

16. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in
the fruit you're eating.


17. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an a***ole.


1

How Deep Is Your Thought?

in
How much time do you spend per day with the New Media? Watching TV, reading/writing email, surfing the web for entertainment and/or information, playing video games?

You may have noticed that your ability to hold a thought has lessened.

But, before you make an appointment to get a scrip for Aricept, take a look at this article.

Its author, Nicholas Carr, discusses the changes in our information gathering, and suggests that perhaps this is changing the way that we think.

If you find it interesting, you may want to read this article by Mark Morford, where he discusses the changes in his thinking since he stopped reading... books.

Just something to think about! Maybe it's time to exercise that flabby library card, hmmm?

And, one and two, and three and four and one ...

0

Efficiency Works in a Marriage...

in
I got married ... with Google

Enjoy!!

0

Food, glorious food!!

in
Well, we're not quite at that stage yet, but we are at the point where we can sing about the anticipation of enjoying the wonderful, glorious, marvelous food!

And, of course, since the last piece I wrote, it turns out that there is a problem with commercially-available tomatoes (salmonella). Health authorities are diligently trying to track down the source of the bad tomatoes, so now I'm pretty happy that I have my 100 tomato plants :-)

One of my neighbors, who recently started his first garden (and it's a fair sight better-looking than *my* first one!) said, “I started this as a hobby, but it's turning into work!”

Truer words were never spoken on that score...

I have weeded, fertilized, staked, mulched, weeded, fertilized, talked to, talked about, and prayed over these plants ("Oh please, grow for me!!!"), and it appears that all the work (and prayers!) is working.

I'm looking forward to the next step in this process: preservation.

Canning, freezing, and drying... my mouth waters at the thought of vine-ripened vegetables in glass jars, in the freezer, and trying my hand at dried anything - well, let's just say that it's making me hungry.

But I shouldn't count my tomatoes before they're ripe... so, I'm stuck on dreaming about homemade pizza sauce, ketchup, spaghetti sauce, tomato soup, crushed tomatoes, tomato paste... LOL!!

0

Somwhere Out There...

in
The Internet has truly evolved... from BBS’ 15 years ago, to totally interactive information firehose (if you have high-speed internet, otherwise, you just have a waterhose :->)today ... anything that you could possibly be interested in, there is a corner of the Internet dedicated to it.

This means that if you are not careful, you can easily drown in all the information that is presented. This is especially dangerous for people like me, who love to read, and read fast. Log on to find out the answer to *one* question, and, before you know it, several hours have passed, and you haven’t eaten, or gone to the bathroom. I know that I personally have ended internet sessions feeling like I ate too much at the all you can eat buffet (except that this buffet is information, not food).

Is there a twelve-step program for information junkies? I don’t know, but I’m sure that the answer is on the web someplace...

0

New Supernova!

in
One of my favorite science blogs, Bad Astronomy Blog, has posted here that astronomers have actually observed the exact moment when a star exploded. Read all about it, geeks! (It's really, really cool!!)

From Bad Astronomy Blog:

Gemini telescope image of NGC 2770 and supernova 2008D

The Quick Version

NGC 2770 is a galaxy at the relatively close distance of 84 million light years away. On January 9, 2008, a massive star in it exploded, and instead of finding out days or weeks later, astronomers caught it in the act, right at the moment, in flagrante delicto.

Read the rest here.


1

GRILL!

in


This grill replaces our old gas grill, which will, with a little engineering, be converted to a charcoal grill. Just in time for Memorial Day!

0

Be Careful What You Wish For

in
Cute joke:

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table saying, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'

'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband' said the wife.

The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me."

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but - a wish is a wish.

So the fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - the husband became 92 years old.

The moral of this story:
Men who are ungrateful b*stards should remember fairies are female.
A friend that I sent this joke to replied, "No the moral is men who are ungrateful b*stards should choose their words more carefully."

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Geek marriage proposal

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Proposal via video game

Awwwww!! How sweet!!

2

On Gun Control ...

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Think about this:
Doctors:
(A) The number of physicians in the U.S. is 700,000.
(B) Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are 120,000.
(Calculation) Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171
Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept of Health Human Services.

Now think about this:
Guns:
(A) The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000. (Yes, that's 80 million..)
(B) The number of accidental gun deaths per year, all age groups, is 1,500.
(Calculation) The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is .000188
Statistics courtesy of FBI

So, statistically, doctors are approximately
9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.

Remember, 'Guns don't kill people, doctors do.'

FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN, BUT
ALMOST EVERYONE HAS AT LEAST ONE DOCTOR.

Please alert your friends to this alarming threat.
We must ban doctors before this gets completely out of hand!!!!!

Out of concern for the public at large, I withheld the statistics on lawyers for fear the shock would cause people to panic and seek medical attention.

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9 Things I’ve learned from Watching Judge Shows

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1- Never give money.

2 - Never lend money.

3 - Do not cosign loans.

4 - Do not get a cellphone for someone.

5 - Do not add someone to your cellphone account.

6 - If someone is in jail, and has no money for bail, do not bail them out; they stay in jail.

7 - If their Mama won’t give, lend, cosign, get, bail out, or add someone to their account, neither should you. Mama knows best.

8 - A loan that’s not in writing is always a gift.

9 - ‘God bless the child that’s got his own.’ Make certain that’s you!

Have I missed any?

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Musicals

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My long-repressed love of musicals is coming out at long last... my latest adventure in memorizing?

Oliver (the old movie)

Nothing is as funny as listening to a whole chorus of children sing about ‘gruel’ when you’re serving oatmeal for breakfast...

“Every day we say a prayer; will they change the bill of fare?
Still we got the same old gruuuueeeel!”

Or, when someone is happy, the notes of ‘Who Will Buy’ ring throughout the house. Goes to show, that as sad as most of that movie was, there were still parts that were funny and happy.

We’re currently working on the song ‘DoReMi’, from the ST:DS9 episode, “Chrysalis”. Pretty complex. It’s a quartet, improvising melodies with musical scales. Trying to figure out who is singing what is the greatest challenge. If anyone knows where I can find a copy of the lyrics, give a shout out, ok?

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Spring is here!!

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The dull green of the evergreen trees is gradually being replaced by the faint, blushing greens of new growth. There are tiny little newborn leaves on trees everywhere, and dogwoods and cherry trees are blooming.

Even the grass has returned. In the field next door, the children return from their explorations with their arms full of wildflowers to gift me, with declarations of their love.

The felines are not immune to the change of season, either. My alpha cat has given birth to 4 kittens, each one with a distinct personality, if not coloring, and Mama Cat has successfully put the fear of God into Sam, the puppy, so that he knows that the cats are his betters, lol!

Next month, baby chickens arrive here... I’m still trying to locate the plans for the chicken coop, so I’ll have to do a search for it online, and then spend time picking up materials, and picking my neighbors’ brains about how to take care of them.

I’m a never-ending source of amusement to my country friends, mainly because I’m a total tenderfoot about this type of stuff, and ask ‘interesting’ questions like, “Can you put a harness on a pig to make him easier to handle when you are moving him?” Country folk, try answering that one with a straight face... that’s how I asked it (and why can’t you, really?)...

This is also the time of year that I lose my mind and buy plants like they are being given away. Why I do this, I don’t know, because I have what is quaintly known as a ‘black thumb’. I have killed all kinds of plants, even the ones that are allegedly impervious to black thumb. (Yes, even a snake plant). So you know that me buying a plant is tantamount to a death sentence on said plant.

But, hope springs eternal, and every spring, I buy plants, and grill the sellers about how to take care of them, and examine them carefully, because they need to be in the best health...

And I take them home to die.

Sigh.

But, I’m getting better... The wandering jew that I bought last year is still alive, and my eldest has started another few plants from the cuttings. I have two aloe plants that I was given that are still going strong, and, the crown jewel in my arboretum, an african violet that I had to repot, because it outgrew its original one.

Yes, I said african violet. Who knew?
Apparently, african violets ‘thrive on neglect’, as one acquaintance put it... if you water them when the soil is bone dry, keep it in indirect sun, and leave it alone, it will grow, thrive, and reproduce (mine has done all three). I have had this african violet for over 4 (!!) years, and it’s still going strong. Recommended for black thumbs everywhere, lol!!

0

Tri- Monitors?!?!?

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The perfect setup

Neat, tidy, beautiful in its simplicity. WANT!!

0

Mars Exploration

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Manned Exploration to Mars Project



Pretty amazing!

0

LEGO Computer

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Believe it or not, a LEGO computer...

with a wireless keyboard, no less!

0

Weather Proverbs

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Should you believe the weather proverbs?

http://www.wxdude.com/proverb.html

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Superfast Internet Is In The Pipeline!!

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Ok, I still want to know where Emory Erickson is!
"The internet could soon be made obsolete. The scientists who pioneered it have now built a lightning-fast replacement capable of downloading entire feature films within seconds.

At speeds about 10,000 times faster than a typical broadband connection, “the grid” will be able to send the entire Rolling Stones back catalogue from Britain to Japan in less than two seconds.

The latest spin-off from Cern, the particle physics centre that created the web, the grid could also provide the kind of power needed to transmit holographic images; allow instant online gaming with hundreds of thousands of players; and offer high-definition video telephony for the price of a local call."
More here:
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/science/article3689881.ece

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The Lorenz Butterfly

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The Lorenz butterfly is significant becasue it illustrates the concept of"sensitive dependence upon initial conditions."

Click here to experience the Lorenz Butterfly


2

The Infinite Man

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This is not for those who are susceptible to Jedi Mind tricks...

The Infinite Man

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More Sophisticated Prosthetics are In The Pipeline

in
From the Defense Tech blog:

"Scientists have had a string of remarkable successes lately, taking signals from the brains of monkeys and men, and using them to move mechanical arms.

Darpa, the Pentagon's blue-sky research division, now wants to ratchet that work up about ten notches, by developing a "neurally controlled artificial limb that will restore full motor and sensory capability to upper extremity amputee patients. This revolutionary prosthesis will be controlled, feel, look and perform like the native limb."

So, basically, what Luke Skywalker gets in Empire Strikes Back, after Darth chops off his hand. Except, researchers won't have a long, long time to get this limb ready. Darpa wants the robo-arm stat -- in four years or less.

The limb would have to be wired directly into the peripheral nervous system, instead of the brain-controlled arms being demonstrated today..."



Read the rest here. It's really fascinating!

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Point of View is Everything

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A cartoon for those of you in project management :-)... although, I sometimes feel the same way when I'm dealing with salespeople!


0

Klein Bottles...

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are pretty cool!

And, what is even cooler, are the explanatory pages about various regarding the bottles.

My favorite?

Important Information for Idiots

And for the topologist who has everything:

A drinking mug Klein bottle!! (Only $80 - show some love!!) Or, for the cheapskates among you, a Klein bottle jigsaw puzzle!! (Only $10)

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April Fools' Day

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... got started early this year, if you are on the internet, and have friends and associates around the globe, because April Fools' Day started today!

Fun all around... I'm looking forward to seeing what's on the web tomorrow :-).

But I'll probably be too busy with my own jokesters. They look to me to be plotting something...

If you don't hear from me in two weeks, have the police dig up my yard, lol!!

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I've survived a ZOMBIE attack!!!

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It's a standing joke in our home that Mom is always protected by the security phone ... a very useful device, to keep the masses of children in my house in line. [I use it as a martial arts weapon ... "security phone - YAAAAAHHHHH!", thrown like a throwing star.]

Well, tonight, I discovered the limits of the security phone.

It's been pretty chilly here lately, and someone's coming over in the next few days to haul off the trash that needs to go to the dump.

So, I look around for everything that needs to go, and tell the children to move the old tires that were on the edge of the property [a failed project - don't ask], and a few pallets that were near them, over to the pile of trash.

When they all come in, they are chilled to the bone, and look over at me, who has been supervising, in a warm, toasty house.

I saw the gleam in their eyes... and realized, too late, what was about to happen.

They turned into FROZEN ZOMBIES - and all proceeded to attack me at once ... touching my [warm] skin with their [!!FROZEN!!] hands.

I tried holding them off with "Security phones [I had 2 in hand] - YAAAAAHHH!!!"

But it didn't work!!... There were too many!!... Coming in at all angles!!

My threats bounced off frozen ears, and they giggled madly as I screamed at the frigid fingers that stuck themselves to my [warm] flesh.

Covered by a pile of [!!FROZEN!!], giggling zombie children, my neck, arms, and even legs were given a taste of the outside temperature. (I successfully kept them out from under my clothing... a small, but significant, victory for me.)

Let's just say that I was yelling "YAAAAAHHHHH!!" for an entirely different reason than usual :-/.

That's okay, though... I'm going to buy a slingshot and some extra phones for ammo... Maybe a heavy repeater trank gun... I'll be able to hold off more next time!! (And, if all else fails, a little Ex-Lax in the 'ole hot chocolate will keep them in line, Then they'll be yelling, "Bring me my brown pants!!", lol!)

0

Lies, Bad Lies, and...

in
statistics.

Here, in all their glory, are real time world statistics about our world:

Worldometers - world statistics updated in real time

3

And, How's *Your* Day Going?

in
In the "Truth is stranger than fiction" file...


0

Scientific Scrutiny vs. Belief

in

2

Yesterday's Weather ...

in
was something else. It started out as an overcast day, maybe some rain, and from there, turned into a crazy-weather kind of day.

I went out to pick up a few things, when it began to rain. Of course, my eldest called me on my cell. I picked up the phone.

"Yes."

"It's raining."

"Yep. And long before you were conceived, I went out without you worrying about me."

"But it wasn't raining then."

"Don't sweat it, I'm not so mean that I'll melt when the rain hits me."

"Ha, ha... just be careful, Mom!"

"I always am. Bye."

I hang up the phone and shake my head. First it was my parents, now it's my children... and an all-too-short period where I was considered an adult, and competent to deal with the rain, for pity's sake!

As I head on down the road, it begins to rain harder... and hail starts to fall... the wind picks up, and now I'm concerned about whether I'm going to need a new windshield. The wind is driving the wind so hard, that there is almost zero visibility. All I could do is slow down to a crawl, like the other cars on the road with me.

Fortunately, one of my favorite gas places was up ahead, on the right, so I pulled in [it was on the list of things to get].

The wind and rain got progressively worse. Even under the canopy of the pumps, the rain was being driven by the wind so hard that you could barely get out of the car.Natures' fury was totally breathtaking. I had to wait ten minutes before it subsided enough to swipe my card and pump my gas. And when I did get out, I was soaked to the skin in less than thirty seconds [the time it took to swipe my card, take off the gas cap, put the nozzle in the pump and set it to autofill, and hop back in the car]. And this was under a canopy!!

Thankfully, about another ten minutes after I started pumping my gas [at $3.01/gal, thankyouverymuch... hooray!], the storm subsided, to being merely rain.

The weird, Twilight Zone Part?

I get back home after all that, and sign into Twitter. One of the people that I'm following is twittering about how he's got hail on his lawn after a storm... but he lives on the West Coast, in Los Angeles!! And, to top it off, it's at about the same time that I was dealing with my hailstorm!! Pretty creepy... identical weather on both coasts, three thousand miles apart, at roughly the same time?!?

As Arsenio Hall used to say, "Things that make you go, 'Hmmmmm....'"

2

Getting Children To Sleep ... ARRRGH!!

in
[Ok, it's not a showtune, but it IS from a musical animated movie!
Sung to the tune of "Somewhere Out There"]

Somewhere out there...
beneath the pale moonlight...
Someone's thinking children
will go to sleep tonight.

Somewhere out there...
someone's saying a prayer...
That their meds will kick in soon
And children will sleep right there [pointing]...

And even though we know
How very wrong we were to hope
It helps to know that there are others
Knotting that same rope*

And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It scares me to think they are sleeping with one open eye!

Somewhere out there
Prozac can see us through...
Then, we'll get some sleep

Somewhere out there
Out where
Kids sleep true!


*['when you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hold on!']

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Happy PI Day!!

in
Today is Pi Day!!!

To Quote PiDay.org

Pi, Greek letter (π), is the symbol for the ratio of the circumference of a circle to its diameter. Pi = 3.1415926535... Pi Day is celebrated by math enthusiasts around the world on March 14th.


What will you do to celebrate Pi Day?

At 1:59, we will be eating blueberry pie, and talking about Pi, maybe sing some songs about it :-)!!

Enjoy!

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Are You Addicted To The 'Net?

in
Of course, if you have to ask, you probably are }:->.

However, if there's any question... here's an oldie but goodie:

Are You Addicted to the 'Net?

3

If You Are Feeling Like Your Life Is Out of Control...

in
Take a look at this link:
Our World - Microscopic to Universal

It helped me to put everything into proper perspective :)

0

PSA: Dude, Where's My Tax Check?

in

Q: I filed my tax return early because I knew I would be getting a refund. How can I find out where it is?

A: If you have a computer, go to www.irs.gov and click on "Individuals." Then click on "Where's My Refund?" and you'll be taken to the IRS refund locator where you type in three pieces of information -- your Social Security number, filing status (married filing jointly, married filing separately, single, head of household, qualified widow/widower) and the amount of the refund you expect rounded off to the nearest dollar. You will get information on the status of your refund and what steps you need to take, if any, other than waiting.

If you don't use a computer, you can go through the same process by phone at 800-829-1954.

Refunds typically take six to eight weeks if you made a paper filing... a week less if you asked for direct deposit into your bank account. If you filed electronically, typical turnaround time is three weeks.

From: Nancy Dunnan is a financial adviser and author in New York City. Her latest book is How to Invest $50 - $5,000 (HarperCollins).

You can subscribe to the newsletter I got this from here

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For The SEO geeks...

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Results of a 'long-tail' search...

Here

:ducking:

1

For The Pilots, Wanna-Be Pilots, and...

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all-around curious people... check this out:

360 degree image of an Airbus cockpit . I especially recommend the full screen version. It is really cool... When you close in, you can see the names on the buttons and everything!!

And, if you like the whole 360 degree picture thing, go to the main page, and poke about... there are more pictures of the press conference, and the different areas for the First Class, Business Class, and Economy class passengers. Fun to play with!

Today's Astronomy Picture of the Day:

Hubble Space Telescope archival image data has been reprocessed to create this alternative look at the well-known galaxy. The newly developed processing improves the visibility of details otherwise lost in overwhelming glare, in this case allowing features of the galaxy's dust lanes to be followed well into the bright central region.
Isn't it beautiful?!?

3

For Those People ...

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that you know who wander about with their brains turned off:

The Real Deal About Toxic Waste

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Tech Support Geeks and Others...

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For those of you who perform Tech Support for your family:

The Tech Support Price List

Enjoy!

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On D & D...

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Gary Gygax passed away the other day.

As I was explaining who he was to my eldest daughter, her ears perked up when she heard 'Dungeons & Dragons' [We only lightly dabble in RPGs]. So, she asked:

"Isn't that game really complex?"

"Yes."

:shakes head and smiles:

"Geeks."

So, I have a marriageable-age daughter who likes geeks [like her mom]. I will be putting up a pdf application form in 6 months. Extensive knowledge and enjoyment of Star Trek is required. DMs are okay, as well. [/joke]

RIP, Gary Gygax.

Update: xkcd.com published a strip commemorating Gary Gygax:


2

I LOL'ed at this one...

in
but, once I stopped laughing [the author's pretty funny], I had to admit that the reason that it was funny was because it was true!

The Most Expensive Fluid On The Planet (it's not what you think!)

0

My new love, Sam

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Yes, I settled on 'Sam' [official name 'Samuel Gardner']




Taking a bath is hard work....zzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZ!

0

New Beginnings ... I'm In Love!!!

in
Yesterday was pretty quiet. However, it ended in a pretty spectacular way... I got a new puppy! As I am planning to get chickens in a few weeks, it makes sense to have a puppy, and not a full grown dog, so the two can grow up together. Maybe, that way, he can not view the chickens as food. :-)

He's a rottweiler, border collie mix and he's really sweet. He snuggled his nose into my armpit as I picked him up, and started humming. How could I say no? He likes being held, but not for long periods... just long enough to get his love fix, and then he wants to go take a nap, or use the bathroom, etc. Pretty cool.

I haven't decided on a name. My first thought was Sam, but the children wanted to know 'what happened to a Star Trek name', so I looked it up... there is a Sam Gardner, one of Jonathan Archer's bosses at Starfleet, but they called 'cheating'. I overruled them, but now I'm thinking something along the lines of Emory [Erickson], the inventor of the transporter, or Quinn [Erickson], Emory's son, who got caught in an alternate dimension in a transporter accident. Hmmm... I'll have to sleep on it.

Can you guess that I'm grateful for my new dog? [Yes, I have claimed him as 'mine', lol!]

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What Parents Do For Their Children and Their Pets!!

in
I got this in my email:


If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome including toilet flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have you laughing out LOUD!

Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet.
Here's what happened:

Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was
Something wrong with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room.

"He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious dad, can
You help?"

I put my best lizard-healer face on and followed him into his bedroom.
One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed.
I immediately knew what to do.

"Honey," I called, "come look at the lizard!"

"Oh my Gosh!" my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having babies."

"What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!"

I was equally outraged.

"Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to reproduce," I accused my wife.

"Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" she inquired.
(I actually think she said this sarcastically!)

"No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her, (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth together).

"Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed.

"Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know," she informed me. (Again with the sarcasm, you think?)

By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it.

"Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience, I announced. "We're about to witness the miracle of birth."

"Oh, gross!" they shrieked.
"Well, isn't THAT just great! What are we going to do with a litter of tiny little lizard babies?" my wife wanted to know. (I really do think she was being snotty here, too. Don't you?)

We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.

"We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted. "It's breech,"
my wife whispered, horrified.

"Do something, Dad!" my son urged.

"Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gentle tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results.

"Should I call 911," my eldest daughter wanted to know. "Maybe they could talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?)

"Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly.

We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap. "Breathe,
Ernie, breathe," he urged.

"I don't think lizards do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.)

The Vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass.

"What do you think, Doc, a C-section?" I suggested scientifically.

"Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?"

I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.

"Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked.

"Oh, perfectly," the Vet assured us. "This lizard is not in labor. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen...

Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they um....um....m@st1rbate. Just the way he did, lying on his back." He blushed, glancing at my wife. Well, you know what I'm saying, Mr. Cameron."

We were silent, absorbing this.

"So Ernie's just...just... excited," my wife offered.

"Exactly," the Vet replied, relieved that we understood.

More silence. Then my vicious, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle.
And then even laugh loudly.

"What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness.

Tears were now running down her face. Laughing "It's just...that...I'm picturing you pulling on its... its...teeny little..." she gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.

"That's enough," I warned. We thanked the Vet and hurriedly bundled the lizards and our son back into the car. He was glad everything was going to be okay.

"I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done, Dad," he told me.

"Oh, you have NO idea,"

Closed mouth, my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.

2 - Lizards - $140...
1 - Cage - $50...
Trip to the Vet - $30...

Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's winkie...Priceless


Moral of the story - finish biology class - lizards lay eggs!!

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Advice For Single People :-)

in
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."

They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

3

A Cute Joke...

in
One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river.

When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "My dear child, why are you crying?"
The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family.

The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with sapphires.
"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a golden thimble studded with rubies.
"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. Again, the seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble.
"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.

Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water.

When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, "Why are you crying?"
"Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney.
"Is this your husband?" the Lord asked.

"Yes," cried the seamstress. The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding.
You see, if I had said 'no' to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt.

Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband.

Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three.
Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said 'yes' to George Clooney.

And so the Lord let her keep him.

The moral of this story is:

Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others. That's our story, and we're sticking to it.

[And the choir sings, "AMEN!"]
:ducking:

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