Hedge Fund Managers March on Washington

September 8, 2007

Largest Chauffeur-Driven Protest in Capital's History


Demanding further intervention from the Federal Reserve to protect
their endangered fortunes, thousands of the nation's leading hedge
fund managers marched on Washington today.

Dubbed "The Million Mercedes March," the protest was said to be the
largest chauffeur-driven demonstration in the capital's history.

Limousines started jamming the streets of Washington at approximately
ten in the morning as irate hedge fund owners converged in front of
the Federal Reserve building to demand stronger action to protect
their imperiled riches.

Chanting "No Rate Cut, No Peace," the furious money managers
were pepper-sprayed by police as their protest threatened to take a violent
turn.

Tracy Klujian, a hedge fund manager from Greenwich, Connecticut, said
that simmering anger in the hedge fund community was "a powder keg"
waiting to explode.

"We have yet to see the ripple effects of this crisis," Mr. Klujian
said. "When these guys have to freeze their trophy wives' shopping
allowances, there's going to be hell to pay."

Mr. Klujian's words seemed almost prophetic as a mob of angry trophy
wives looted a Ralph Lauren boutique in East Hampton, New York later
in the day, stripping the establishment of its entire fall collection.

If the Fed fails to intervene, Mr. Klujian warned, an ugly situation
among the nation's wealthiest money managers will only get uglier.

"A lot of these guys are mad as hell right now," he said. "But wait
until they're down to their last billion."

Elsewhere, FEMA announced that it would commemorate the second
anniversary of Hurricane Katrina by returning phone calls from 2005.